So this is my main project, entitled Treehive after the main character, Wichard Treehive, a magic-using orphan adopted by one of the most powerful men on the planet. The style of the book first started out very satirical and poking fun at rpg's such as the Final Fantasy series, but as i got deeper and deeper into it, the drama began to increase, and the humor is now nearly dwarfed by it.
This selection is rather incredibly short, but next week will be much longer, i promise. Throughout the book ive been having trouble deciding whether i want to use past or present tense. opinions on that especially would be great. but anyways, heres the Prologue to book one of Treehive:
http://docs.google.com/Doc?id=dcsbkhnd_2f44k9f
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Great opener! Your language is very solid, terse and functional while remaining evocative - it functions well with the "solid-rock-in-the- midst-of-chaos" thing you've got going with the character we've seen. I like how you don't give us much, here, beyond the description - this is not about why or how or who, this is about a huge honking fire and a badass dude in the middle of it.
If I were to make a suggestion, it would be to take that even further. The prologue is almost all description, but there are some moments - "it's not like their lives mean anything special," "the most perfect hand ever constructed by the gods" - which are sort of jarring because they serve as sudden reminders that this scene is being narrated. By supplying us with thoughts instead of just descriptions, you draw us slightly out of the immediacy of the scene. I might try stripping it down to just the five senses, no description a random onlooker couldn't have made, and see what comes of it.
Great work!
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