This has been a pet project of mine for a while - I've tinkered with it on and off, and would like it to reach a post-tinkering point. I worry that the language is a bit...much, and that certain parts may be more obscure than I would like...thoughts? (This is the beginning of it - since I don't know yet how to get my documents online, I'll post in fragments so as not to be overwhelmingly long.)
http://docs.google.com/Doc?id=dmzmhcp_0f792v2
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2 comments:
I like all of the descriptions and metaphors, but it seemed like i really didnt understand most of them. it could probably be just me, but your style is a lot more mature than my own, and i often found myself re-reading sentences; theyre all so heavy!
also, though im not very familiar with the people or names from Greek mythology, ive always been interested in it, and to read a story like this elates me. ive thought many times about writing something relating to old mythology, but after reading The Door of Readiness, i doubt i could even pull it off half as well.
I've got to admit, first time over this, I thought the language was a extremely heavy. But second time - I loved it, absolutely loved it! Just, the descriptions are so vivid and so dark, it's hard not to love it. So I'm divided. On one hand, I think the language could be lightened up (in terms of weight, not color) just a tad bit, on the other hand, I fear that doing so would weaken the impact of the piece.
And that's really what got me, was just the strength of this piece - I couldn't stop reading, and more than that I really CARED. I cared about Orpheus so much, that knowing how the story ends, I felt such profound sadness for him.
Those are my first impressions anyways. I'll do a more in depth crit at some point. Great job.
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